i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
