You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
