ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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