There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
