You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Randomize
