i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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