In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Randomize
