you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
