All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
