OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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