I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
