I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
