You just made me feel so damn special
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
