ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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