It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
