She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
