You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
