...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
