If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
