i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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