Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize