I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
