Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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