I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
