What a fucking waste of an outfit
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Randomize
