Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
