There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
that's an acceptable place to lick
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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