Someone shit on the floor
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
