mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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