My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
