kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
