Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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