Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
