Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
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