I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
