Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
