How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
