I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
did i walk over a car last night?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
