I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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