did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
