her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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