Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
