I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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