There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
