I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I've blown a few things in my day
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
So much Jack, so little girl.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
