god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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