Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
