I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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