i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
