remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
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