sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
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