Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Randomize
