I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I have already put on my inside pants.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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