your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
