Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize