Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
