I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize