My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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