Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize