And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
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