WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Randomize
