Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
