I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
