i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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