Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
