Too much gin, very little bucket
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
