I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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