Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
My penis needs a shock collar
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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