I looked at my own cervix.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
