What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
