went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
This is my gift to your gina
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Randomize
